July 22, 2010 by FilterKaapi
The world cup is over; finished; closed; finito; done once and for all. Damn. It was a good time; a good month of coming back home from work expecting to see a good match of football. Of course what we ended up with most of the time was bad football and the drone of the bloody vuvuzelas. Damn. ‘Spirit of Africa’ they call it. More like spirit of the drone of buzzing bees. Damn. Oh well! The world cup did provide some material for the café of course. Over the course of many an enjoyable evening in the café watching the games with fellow football fans, there was this singular experience that I came across. I call it –‘Playing by the rules.’
I distinctly remember the game, it was Japan against Korea. Oh wait. Japan never played Korea, did they? Ok so I don’t ‘distinctly’ remember the game but I most certainly remember that it was a game of football or as we experts like to call it, a ’90 minute tactical battle of wits played out on a grass pitch’. It was an immensely exciting game with one team, I don’t remember which, attacking and the other defending. Well, sort of. They were attacking too but not when the first team were. That’s what football is all about actually. A lot of attacking and then defending as well. But obviously one is more than the other but taken as a whole, the attacking of one team plus the defending of the other equals the defending of one team plus the attacking of other. It’s something we experts call, ‘the law of conservation of attack…and defence… and all else.’ Upon first glance it’s very similar to the law of conservations of mass but then there are differences. Go look it up.
Alright so I was watching this one game in the surprisingly empty café ,even the people running the bloody place weren’t there! I was surprised as to how they could afford to leave the place open just like that. I really was. Upon further investigation, though, I realized why. I actually work there! If only I had known a bit earlier. Might have saved a lot of time thinking. Oh well! Back to the story …
So the café was empty, well except for me of course. There I was watching the enthralling game between, er, let’s just call them team A and team B. It was riveting, it really was. I was watching it between furious bursts of tweeting on my mobile phone. I really couldn’t take my eyes off the game. Well, except for the time I was tweeting, which was most of the time, but yes, back to the game; riveting it was. Seriously! It was! Ok don’t believe me! Right then; back to the story …
So there I was sitting in the empty café, well not really empty, I was in it of course … Alright I will stop that chain of thought right there. So there I was sitting and watching this riveting encounter, well mostly watching; well, almost mostly watching; alright watching; Ok ok… watching every now and then. Yes, so back to the story … There I was, sitting there and watching the match when in walked a girl. Now when I mean girl, I want you to imagine the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Now multiply that times five. Now you get an idea of the kind of beauty I’m talking about. Well, she wasn’t that good looking but it’s nice to fantasize, aint it? Yes, well, she was very good looking.
So there she walked in and instantly my attention was of course turned. Just so you get a measure of the beauty, she made me divert my attention from the riveting match to her. Now that’s something. Huh? You agree, don’t you? Thought so.
So in she walked and looked around. The entire café was empty of course; well not empty ( I was in it, remember?) So anyway, she looked around and came at sat at the table next to mine. I decided to play it smooth. We at the café are used to ultra-awesome girls coming in and talking to us all the time. Mostly, they place orders, but that is beside the point. So anyway, I decided to play it cool. ‘Hey’, she said. I replied, ‘Hi! What up? You look very pretty. Will you come and sit with me on this table? The view is much better from here? So you coming over? Huh? Huh?’ Smooth. Baby bottom smooth. See, I told you so. So to cut a long story short, she came and sat with me and this is the story of that conversation.
‘Say, isn’t that the world cup going on? Those guys look cute in their red shirts!’, she exclaimed. Naturally, I was enthralled that she started off a conversation (The smoothness worked. Ha! I told you so!) but the footballing expert in me was enraged. The guys were not ‘cute’! They were warriors battling for glory on the grassy battlefield!
This is the story of what happened next. To give you a glimpse, it involved an education. As we experts call it, a ‘footballing lesson’ handed out to the novice. Needless to say, she was the novice. Stick around to see what transpired when I imparted the full extent of my footballing knowledge. It’s kick-off time!